revival with the prayer: my first prostration..

i took a deep breath and then forced myself to the floor.now on my hands and knees, i hesitated for a brief moment, and then i pushed my face to the carpet.ridding my mind of all other thoughts, i mechanically pronounced three times, 'subhana rabbi-l 'ala' (glory to my Lord the highest)

'Allahu akbar', i called and sat back on my heels.i kept my mind blank, refusing to allow any distractions to enter it.'Allahu akbar', i pronounced and put my face again to the carpet.

with my nose touching the ground i called out mechanically, 'subhana rabbi-l 'ala, subhana rabbi-l 'ala, subhana rabbi-l 'ala'.i was determined to finish this, no matter what.

'Allahu akbar', i called out and lifted myself from the floor and stood up straight.three cycles to go, i told myself.

i had to wrestle with my emotions and pride the rest of the prayer, but it did get easier with each cycle.i was even almost calm during the last prostration.while in the final sitting posture, i recited the tashahhud and then ended the prayer by calling 'assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah' with my head turned to the right, and again, 'assalamu'alaikum wa rahmatullah' with my head turned to the left.

spent, i remained on the floor and reviewed the battle i had just been through.i felt embarrassed that i had to struggle so hard to get through the prayer.with my head lowered in shame i prayed: please forgive me my arrogance and stupidity.i have come very far and i have so very far to go.

at that moment, i experienced something that i had never felt before and which is therefore difficult for me to put in words.a wave of what i can only describe as coldness swept through me, which seemed to radiate from some point within my chest.i was rather intense, and initially i was startled: i remember shuddering.however, it was much more than physical sensation, for it affected my emotions as well in strange way.it was as if mercy had taken on an objective form and was now penetrating and enveloping me.i cannot say exactly why, but i began to cry.tears began to run down my face, and i found myself weeping uncontrollably.the harder i cried, the more i felt the embrace of a powerful kindness and compassion..

when i finally stopped crying, i was completely exhausted.the experienced i had just had was for me too unfamiliar and overwhelming to try to rationalize at that moment, and i thought that it was definitely too strange to tell anyone right away.i did realize this much, however: i needed God and prayer desperately.

[a new muslim convert american proffesor Jeffrey Lang explains his first prostration in a remarkable and fascinating passage]